Last night I poured two glasses of wine. One for me and one for you. I was hoping you would show up, but I knew you wouldn't. Is it silly to wish things that will never be again? I don't know if you were there or not, but I said cheers, and told you that I love you.
It's still not real for me. But then I think about Christmas and who will make the trifle, or the fruit cake for dad. I immediately think that you will do it. But you won't ever make those again. Every time I have thoughts like that, I try to shut them out. If I can, I go to sleep, if not, I try to distract myself. Probably not the best idea because I don't think I've started grieving yet. I know everyone grieves differently. But I don't want to. Because then that acknowledges the fact you really are gone. And right now I would rather pretend the opposite.
After our glass of wine, I poured the remaining wine over by the bench where you and dad sat. That's where I picture you. Sitting with dad watching the sun set over the water. I love you mom. Always and forever. Xoxo
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